sunday, i woke up with the headache that has been plaguing me for weeks now. it was a bit of a struggle to put on a happy face, get the kiddos ready & head to our new church location (for now) for the tours of the childrens' classes. but, we did it & i was just blown away by the work & enthusiasm & love that was shown in each classroom. it was awesome!! gracie told me with excitement as we were leaving her room, "mommy, you need to stay & hear the music - it's totally cool!" i loved watching & participating in the elementary kiddos groups & seeing my big b's eyes lit up, listening to the story told, & getting up & dancing & singing during the worship time. God's love was all around.
honestly, leaving one life on sunday many thoughts were racing through my head.
1-can we really be a part of launching the
2-i loved our "movie church" the way it was...it had taken us a while to find that "right church" & now it's a changing... i loved every sunday at discovery listening to His word & crying & singing & laughing & getting a great spiritual start for my week. what will the future really hold?
3-does being a small group leader for the elementary kiddos means we don't get to go to the actual adult service for a year? what about me?
my headache got worse.
& then we went to my moms....mr. ben was happy to see pap wasn't there (cousin luke had taken pap to his house to give my mom a much needed break). which broke my heart. ever since the stroke & living with pap & fighting & moving out, little ben's relationship changed. & i thought about this at mom's outside & just cried. we were trying to do the right thing, but was it? i want benj to remember my papaw as the papaw that held his held learning to walk,
so excited to show him how to bat left handed. (pap's stroke was a week after this picture)
the pap that he loved to help in the garden
& go out to with eat at windell's.
not the papaw that he didn't want to see because of that summer.
& my head hurt even worse.
& of course i could not sleep at night, my mind racing & praying. talking to God did help.
even though i'm an only child :), i know this life isn't about me. it's about waay more than me. sharing God's love. just knowing God loves me & accepting Christ as my savior isn't enough. the last book we read in small group was Radical - taking back your faith from the american dream by David Platt & man, do i keep reflecting back on what we read. it wasn't an easy read for me, but it impacted us all so for the better.
& to answer my questions after church from above:
1- wow! i get to be a part of something so awesome as sharing God's word & love with others. it may seem daunting , but "yes we can!" :)
2 - only God knows what the future holds. it's in his hands. & it's so much bigger than the "movie church" that we were comfy at. & pastor trey will still be there & the band but with so many more resources & we get to be a part of it!
3- getting to be a part of showing God's love for my special group of children is going to rock & how rewarding is that for me & them. it's a bit humbling to get to share in such an important time of a person's life & walk with the Lord.
onto the visit at mom's. i still don't know what to do about ben's relationship with papaw. i pray & pray on that & cry & cry. ben did show such maturity when pap was in the nursing home by even going & hugging him & telling me he forgave his papaw & i am so proud of him for that. but i know it still hurts & i don't want my baby to hurt. i want him to be the carefree 5 year old he should be. i pray time heals these wounds for all of us, especially my baby boy. that's all i got for sunday. what a day.