Friday, April 23, 2010

a hand to hold on to

being a small town hoosier gal, i love me some john mellancamp.  one of my many favorite songs of his has always been "hand to hold on to"

some of the lyrics here from good ole johnny couger:
And then those hours when you're alone

And there's no body there except yourself
I know it, you wanna pick up the phone
And say, "Talk to me, talk to me
Somebody please talk to me"

Every one needs a hand to hold on to

Every one needs a hand to hold on to
Don't need to be no strong hand
Don't need to be no rich hand
Every one just needs a hand to hold on to

anyways, i've always been a hand holder.  with my hubby, my kiddos (who are always trying to wriggle free), my papaw (the entire night after mamaw passed away).  it just provides comfort to me & hopefully the other person too. 

today at the hospital, taking a break from coloring (yes, i know she's laying down on a germy hospital floor) she came up & asked me what i was doing sitting next to papaw while he was sleeping.  "just holding his hand," i replied.
"why you doing dat?"
"i just like to."

so, she wanted to. 

she touched it & then started to ask what every spot on that old hand was on there for, trying to pick them off.

those hands have years & years of hard work, my dear.

& then ben wanted to touch pap's hand.

so gentle.  just a light pat.

the kiddos have been so good at the hospital, helpful & cheerful.  i've tried to explain to the kiddos how papaw's strokes have made his body forget how to work some & he has to learn it all over again & we need to help him. 

they helped with some of his exercises, hitting a balloon back & forth.

when pap raised his left arm to show justin, ben cheered, "that's a great job papaw!"  & he meant it. 

last night, gracie helped me wash papaw's feet.  she did a fine job.

tonight when they left with daddy, pap asked for another pillow.  ben rushed to get him one & insisted on placing it behind pap's head. 

they both gave papaw hugs & kisses bye & ben told him, "you get better real fast papaw!  i love you!"

in my head, i've been worrying about a lot of things. figuring out how to not disrupt their lives too much & fill it with the hospital but yet teach them how important it is to be there & take care others.  wonderful friends & family have & are getting their share of ben & gracie time so they get some kid play time (thank you all for that!).   but as i write this i realize they are "getting it."  getting how important it is to take care of those we love so & appreciating the friends they get to play with while momma's doing her shift with pap. & getting it that in god's hands, it will be ok. 

& papaw seems determined to get better.  he's frustrated as hell that he can't pick up the utensils with his left hand (he's a leftie), but  he is working at it.  if he was awake, he was working out his arm, moving it to different positions with our help & stuff.  he's got to be ready to chop down more trees!


Paula said...

That made me cry. I know what you are going through. It is so hard to watch them struggle with things that they have been able to do their entire life. Going from being so independent to needing help with everything. My prayers are with you and you family.

Deb said...

Sending hugs, prayers, and good thoughts for a speedy recovery. Looks like he is in excellent hands. If you need anything, please don't hesitate to ask!

Austin, Carrie and Hadley said...

What a testament to god, love and family. Your post stirred up much emotion and was so touching to read. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Take care!

Anonymous said...

What a beautiful post! Your children are such loving and giving like their Mama! I am praying for all of you. Please let me help you with anything and everything I can!
Love you,

Cheri said...

Wow, what a beautiful post. I LOVE that picture of their hands. Thank you SO much for sharing that with me!

Natalie said...

I found you from "I am momma".. And I'm so glad. That was such a sweet post. The beautiful pictures & words brought tears to my eyes. I'll be praying for you & your family.

d.n.williamson said...

I too saw you on I am Momma...this post brought some tears. We lost Grandma last year around this time and my 3.5 year old STILL remembers the last time we saw her, which happened to be at the hospital. So, yes, I believe the hospital visits are good for the kiddos. Teaching compassion, care, etc. She was only 2.5 at the time and recalls a lot of details. Because of the time we spent with her, my little girl has some memories of her, even though she was so young.