Sunday, December 1, 2013

eight years ago..

becoming 7

eight years ago today, my life changed more than i could ever imagine.  life was no longer about me,but about "him,"  that precious bundle of joy that was born while momma was pushing during the andy griffith show (the doc turned it off right when it was getting good too).  since benjo's birth, he has brought me more happiness, joy, love, tears, compassion, worry,fear, panic, pride, heartbreak, and empathy than i could ever imagine.  so many emotions this little fella brings out in me!  though i may be the momma & he my little man, he has taught me more in these eight years than i could have ever imagined.

this, benjo came down and said,"momma, why are you doing all of this?  we just need to pray."  & pray we did (while i still moved things around). he is so good at reminding me to pray -- when things aren't going just right, pray when things are good, just pray,  i am so thankful that he has such a strong faith and thankful for all those that help him to grow in his spiritual journey..starting back with grandma deedee and papaw paul, the "gurls" and their parents, our preacher and family, our life group friends and kiddos, and those that take the time to show benj & grace how they are both special and our Lord has special jobs just for them to do.  we, as a family, continue to grow spiritually and i am so thankful for all the blessings we have received. benj helped me to grow and realize life wasn't just about "me" or "him" but "He, our Savior and King," and we should do all things to glorify him.
i was so worried about bringing this little guy home.. daddio had changed him & washed him & changed his clothes the entire time we were in the hospital.  all i did was nurse.. the only thing i felt capable of doing.  before we went home, i was coaxed into changing him.  pee shot into his face, he started crying & spit up all over the place. it was a mess!  & his billi levels were super high, so he was sent home on a light blanket.  we would go daily after his dismissal from the hospital to have his levels checked.  by new year's, he was looking less tan and the blanket was gone.  he was extra special - he had both physiological and breast milk jaundice. being a new mom that had read every "what to expect, " "your pregnancy and newborn," and "pregnancy 411", i wasn't ready for this one.  going through that month seemed like forever, but was just a small moment in time.

i was so scared when we brought benj home!  i was worried how our doggie would react.  but zacky did great with him from the get go.  when we brought him home- i made a plan with daddio that i would stay awake the first night & he would do an upcoming night to make sure benj kept breathing.  i think it was daddio's turn on the 3rd night.  i woke up to benj crying, justin patting my leg, telling me "it's ok, buddy."  daddy was fired from that job.  and i eventually slept thanks to deedee, mom, and namaw.  when daddio went back to work- i would say a prayer to God, thanking him for helping me keep this precious child alive and happy for another day while daddio was at work.

he has taught me a great deal on forgiveness.  an issue in the family happened one summer that caused a lot of heartache & things were said in front of him that should never had been said.  he was very angry at that person for saying things to his momma, but we talked about it & his actions towards those  showed true forgiveness.

i never in my life would have thought bodily functions would be so hilarious until he came.  toots are a plenty in our household,  as well as big belly laughs & sometimes leading momma to gag.

daddio and i took our vows in front of the Lord, our families and friends... but i learned more about love - agape-  after benjo was born.  it breaks my heart when he has a bad day, it makes my heart smile to see him excited about something, i get that nervous pit in my stomach before he performs a comedy skit with matter what, i will always love my benjo.

he has a heart pure as gold, though he likes to talk sweet little sis into doing things he knows he shouldn't sometimes,  but he will be right beside her in trouble for whatever it was.  he loves to teach her new things and do fun things with his sis, though sometimes he may not want to admit it.:)

he is a sensitive soul & cares for his classmates and tries to help everyone to get along.  at the beginning of  2nd grade, he had written on his about him page that "he liked to be bullied."  this concerned me (a.k.a. made me cry), so i asked him... he said he didn't want others to be bullied & he could take it, so that's why he wrote it. we discussed this & that bullying is not ok - how i thought it was very kind what he felt, i didn't want others picking away at his happiness.  i think he got it.  in our conference, his teacher this year was in tears, telling me what a great child he was and how much she loved having him.  it's nice to hear they are doing the right thing when you aren't around. :)

there have been times, too many times, where i haven't felt good.  benj is the first one there with a bucket, my favorite pillow, a washcloth, a heating pad and anything else he can think of i might need.  when there have been times in life (deedee's passing, papaw's health and issues) that i have been really sad, he is first there to hug me, pray, and tell me it will all be ok.

i have so much joy just watching him be a kid and having fun... be it playing with his sister, his friends, me & daddio, or family, playing sports and games, laser tag or our dance offs.  he is a fun guy!

& he is a deep thinker... sometimes i have to tell him"i don't know why.." more often than i want & we search together for the answer.

mr. benjo, i am so thankful for being blessed with you as my son the past 8 years & look forward to learning, loving and exploring more as you grow (just try to slow it down a bit!:)) benj, i'll love you forever, i'll like you for always, as long as i'm living, my baby you'll be.

love, momma

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