lori & janet

i may be an only child, but have been blessed with family members that i love just as if they were my sisters and know they feel the same.  always there for advice, a shoulder to cry on, love and just to listen.  some of my favorite memories have been with these gals; be it watching iu win the ncaa way back when steve alford was the coolest dude alive, watching their kiddos grow, having our shopping trips & laughing at the outfits on one another.  unlike most sisters, there have only been a handful of disagreements in life- watching a soap opera over sesame street (sorry janet), gentle persuasions on better way to handle situations, etc.  i love them so. and my kiddos do too, calling them their aunts. (to those not familiar with our family dynamics, it can be a bit confusing).

the last year has been hard & we've dealt with it together & on our own.  talking on the phone or face to face always, always makes me feel better, though tears are usually shed.

i am so proud of both of them.  lori & her mom inspired me to go into a male dominated field, mechanical engineering.  it was a job that was challenging but i really loved.  as long as i can remember, i wanted to do & be whatever janet was.  a cheerleader/ a drum major / you name it.

when their mom passed away, janet was working on creating some common core math books for each grade.  as a family, we all got to help edit the books & help meet deadlines.   it was a added stress for janet, but looking back, it was a great way to focus my grief into something good by helping edit the books.  thank you, jl, for having the confidence in me to help out.

i was so excited to see these on fb today & can't wait to read all the positive reviews.  i truly think these will help parents, teachers, and students better understand the goals of common core in math & how to reach the solutions.

the amazon link to order these books & other awesome books by janet is here: janet's books.  another favorite of our home

we loved it since it was just computer sheets of paper.  a fun, learning math book for boys and girls!

now, i just need to enroll for a semester in school & study abroad so i can enjoy harlaxton with you!! :)

love you always, deedee

november 4, 2012 is a day frozen in my mind.  i still wake up, wishing  it was just a bad, bad dream.  i lost my hero, my rock on earth, the one person that had always been there and could always make everything better. time has yet to heal the heartache i feel everyday. not a day goes by that i don't miss deedee.  
for us, it started out like a normal sunday..daddio had to work, we went to church & then to a ms walk.  i forgot my cell phone and when we got home, our answering machine was full.  daddio got home a few minutes after the kiddos & i and said "dee is gone."  dee who?  not our deedee - no way!  i could not believe it or accept it.  she passed away, selflessly serving others, as she was always doing.  
though i pray a lot every day, i still do not have comfort or peace of her passing.  i know i was so blessed to have the relationship with her that i had and those memories of comfort with her can never be taken away but my heart hurts.  my heart hurts for my kiddos, who also miss her (little g carries a picture with her of deedee everyday).  she had so much more to teach us - i never learned the right way to make those sweet rolls & so much other lessons in life we had to learn from her.
i am so thankful for all the time & love she did give to us & everyone.  she was the best.  (i don't want this to sound ungrateful for my wonderful mom i have or husband or kiddos or other family...we all felt this way about dee).  
after her death, i tried to fill the void by working at preschool & trying to do as she did...but i sure couldn't keep it up.  she spent her life devoted to her lord and savior, doing for others, loving all in her family & doing it all with great joy.  
the kiddos and i made a sign in our home & this perfectly describes dee:

every day, i try.  i do. i really do.  but i fail.  dee will always be my role model & i will keep trying.  & hopefully, someday, i won't have to go to the bathroom to hide my tears from my sweet kiddos.  i love you & miss you, deedee.