what a sunday & reminder to self - it's not all about me..

sunday, i woke up with the headache that has been plaguing me for weeks now.  it was a bit of a struggle to put on a happy face, get the kiddos ready & head to our new church location (for now) for the tours of the childrens' classes.  but, we did it & i was just blown away by the work & enthusiasm & love that was shown in each classroom.  it was awesome!!  gracie told me with excitement as we were leaving her room, "mommy, you need to stay & hear the music - it's totally cool!"  i loved watching & participating in the elementary kiddos groups & seeing my big b's eyes lit up, listening to the story told, & getting up & dancing & singing during the worship time.  God's love was all around.

honestly, leaving one life on sunday many thoughts were racing through my head.
1-can we really be a part of launching the

?

 us?  i haven't read the entire bible through since i was a kid! 
2-i loved our "movie church" the way it was...it had taken us a while to find that "right church" & now it's a changing... i loved every sunday at discovery listening to His word & crying & singing & laughing  & getting a great spiritual start for my week.  what will the future really hold?
3-does being a small group leader for the elementary kiddos means we don't get to go to the actual adult service for a year?  what about me?

my headache got worse.
& then we went to my moms....mr. ben was happy to see pap wasn't there (cousin luke had taken pap to his house to give my mom a much needed break).  which broke my heart.  ever since the stroke & living with pap & fighting & moving out, little ben's relationship changed.  & i thought about this at mom's outside & just cried.  we were trying to do the right thing, but was it?  i want benj to remember my papaw as the papaw that held his held learning to walk,

so excited to show him how to bat left handed. (pap's stroke was a week after this picture)

 the pap that he loved to help in the garden

& go out to with eat at windell's. 

not the papaw that he didn't want to see because of that summer.   

& my head hurt even worse. 
& of course i could not sleep at night, my mind racing & praying.  talking to God did help.

even though i'm an only child :),  i know this life isn't about me.  it's about waay more than me.  sharing God's love.  just knowing God loves me & accepting Christ as my savior isn't enough.  the last book we read in small group was Radical - taking back your faith from the american dream by David Platt & man, do i keep reflecting back on what we read.  it wasn't an easy read for me, but it impacted us all so for the better. 
& to answer my questions after church from above:
1- wow! i get to be a part of something so awesome as sharing God's word & love with others.  it may seem daunting , but "yes we can!" :)
2 - only God knows what the future holds.  it's in his hands.  & it's so much bigger than the "movie church" that we were comfy at.  & pastor trey will still be there & the band but with so many more resources & we get to be a part of it!
3-  getting to be a part of showing God's love for my special group of children is going to rock & how rewarding is that for me & them.  it's a bit humbling to get to share in such an important time of a person's life & walk with the Lord. 

onto the visit at mom's.  i still don't know what to do about ben's relationship with papaw.  i pray & pray on that & cry & cry.  ben did show such maturity when pap was in the nursing home by even going & hugging him & telling me he forgave his papaw & i am so proud of him for that.  but i know it still hurts & i don't want my baby to hurt.  i want him to be the carefree 5 year old he should be.  i pray time heals these wounds for all of us, especially my baby boy.  that's all i got for sunday.  what a day.